A Mother's Love

Just before 8am, I head to the gas station located 2 miles away. On the way there, I see a deer running in circles in a panic on the side of the road. I slowed down. Suddenly a large, black Great Dane came running up with a baby fawn in its mouth. The dog and momma deer were fighting. Momma deer was hollering and kicking the dog. I immediately put my car in reverse and started honking my horn and yelling out the window. When I got closer, I opened the door and stood beside the car, still honking and yelling. A woman in an SUV pulled up and saw what was going on, so she joined me in honking and yelling. (The dog was in attack-mode, so we were both scared to approach it.)

Then suddenly, a guy on a dirt bike came flying up going full speed. He slid the bike to stop on the grass, dropped it, and ran to kick the dog. The dog dropped the fawn and ran away, but it stayed nearby pacing and waiting for us to leave. We all knew that as soon as we left, the dog would come back. The fawn was bleeding badly and could not walk. So I stayed by the fawn, the guy circled around us about 5 feet out yelling at the dog to stay away, and the other woman went home to get a blanket. Once she returned, we wrapped the fawn up tightly, and she took it to the vet.

The poor momma deer stood just a few feet away from us, hollering for her baby. I think she knew we were trying to help because she didn’t try to approach us. She just watched. Even as we all went our separate ways, she just stood there…lost and scared. I wish there was a way for us to tell her that we were taking care of her little one. But they will likely never see each other again. The strength and the fight that momma deer was putting up for her baby was incredible. It truly shows a momma’s love to put her life in jeopardy to save her baby.

The whole encounter was absolutely surreal. It was like watching an amazing video tv show. I wish I had caught it on video with my cell phone, but I was in the middle of it so I didn’t even think about it until afterwards.

Geico

Like most people, I hate commercials. I mute them, change the channel, or just walk away. Well, I have to say that Geico has two commercials right now that make me laugh every time I see them. In fact, I went to bed last night, but my husband stayed up to finish watching the tv show. One of the commercials came on, and I started cracking up from the bedroom when I heard it. It makes my husband laugh to hear me laugh at something so stupid.

The first is with the Pillsbury Dough Boy, and that one reminds me of my sister. The second one features a camel, and it reminds me of my son. The commercial links are posted below. Good job Geico!!

 

Doc Visit

I posted the other day about my meds and the probs I've been having lately. So, I reluctantly went to the rheumatologist doc today. After a lengthy conversation explaining my recent symptoms and issues, the doc look concerned and said that it wasn't from the meds. He said it sounded like something else was going on, possible something serious. He took 8 tubes of blood and said they would get back to me with the results in a couple days. It may be something fairly simple like anemia or it could be something major.

Well, that was definitely not reassuring!! I tried to ask him what kind of "major" or "serious" are we talking about, but he didn't want to specify anything until he got the test results back. He seemed to have a possible idea or two, but he wouldn't vocalize them to me.

Soooo, the wait begins. Fingers crossed and prayers said for something simple and treatable! Oh, and I now have a new big nasty bruise from all the blood being drawn - right in the inner elbow area of my right arm. OOUCCHH!!!

Helpful or Hurtful

I've been on a certain medication for about 4 months to treat my rheumatoid arthritis. The benefits are great in that I am able to move, walk, and work with minimal pain and stiffness. The downfall is the side effects. Being a diabetic for most of my life makes me very susceptible to pretty much anything and everything, so taking a med that reduces my immune system to practically zip is not good.

Well, the last month has been horrible for side-effects. I have broken out in tiny itchy bumps that cover my arms, hands, fingers, knees, and feet. I also bruise at the tiniest little thing. I've always bruised very easily, but this is insane! I sat in a lawn chair for about an hour, and the result was a bruise down my spine about 8 inches long. Last weekend, I was reading and had my arm rested on the table. Yep, another big nasty bruise.

My husband and my dad have been telling me to quit taking the meds. They worry about my health. But unless you actually know how painful the RA flare-up is, that's easier said than done. Before I started this round of meds, I was only able to walk with a cane. I could barely work on the computer because I couldn't grip the mouse or type on the keyboard. As a photographer, these are things that I have to be able to do. So I spoke with my mom yesterday, and she convinced me to go back to the doc and talk to him about all this. I've also been really depressed, which is unusual for me, the happy-go-lucky person. But I have to admit that I am starting to agree...while the meds help, it's becoming not worth the side-effects. Six of one - half a dozen of the other.

Joint damage and swelling from RA before I started back on the meds.
Two middle toes bending away from each other and top of foot swollen, red, and splotchy.

Beginning of the itchy bumps. They actually scared my arms and hands.

Bruise on my right side, between armpit and hip. This came from sitting in a rocking chair.

Bruise on forearm from resting it on a table while reading for about an hour.

Incognito Proves Beneficial

So as I previously mentioned, I've been kinda incognito for the last week. It has been so peaceful and liberating to not be checking social media sites all the time. And the world went on without me there to watch over it, so I'm thinking I will keep this up for awhile! I have also stepped away from a few business things that were making me insanely stressed, and it too proved beneficial.

In the midst of all this, I realized that I never did something that I promised a dear friend of mine. A couple years ago, in Oct 2010, my friend Debra asked me for help. She had some old tin-type photos and an old book that she wanted to be put into digital form and restored. I was excited to do it, so I gladly accepted. Well, I never did anything with them. She wasn't in any big rush, but I don't think she expected it to take 2.5 years for me to start them. Lucky for me, she is a very patient and understanding friend.

The last couple days, I have begun the grueling process of getting them into digital form. The book wasn't any problem and took a mere 30 minutes to scan in properly. The fourteen tin-type photos, on the other hand, proved to be quite a challenge! Scanning them at various levels and settings did not produce the results I wanted or needed. Time for my trusty camera to help me. I flipped the center pole on my tripod so that I could aim the camera straight down. I set up a white marker board as the backdrop to lay each photo onto. After much trial-and-error, I turned the lights off in the room and opened the shades to gently illuminate the room without putting direct light onto the photo. Next came the painstaking task of finding the perfect camera settings of exposure and shutter speed. I needed to bring out details the naked eye could not see without over-exposing the image. (You have to understand these tin-types are over 100 years old and only about 2x3 inches in size.) After about 30 minutes of testing different settings, I was ready to shoot. But then another problem arose...the image was too dark for the camera to focus on anything. Sigh...back to work again. I spent another 45 minutes determining the perfect depth-of-field so that I could manually focus the lens for optimal results. I had to take 10-15 photos at different depths and focus settings, then remove the memory card, load the pics onto the computer, and determine the best of them. Then go back and readjust from there. Finally, after almost 3 hours of adjusting everything, I was ready to shoot! And wouldn't you know it, the battery in my camera remote died. Just perfect! With the shutter speed at just over 1" long, I had to use a remote to avoid camera shake. Add another hour to make a trip to the store and back for one little battery. Then, it was smooth sailing after that!

11 of the 14 tin-types laid out on the white marker board. And yes, they are actually this dark.

The image taken from my camera on the left, and after about 2 hours of restoring on the right.
I still have quite a bit of work to do on it, but it already looks a lot better! And it's sized for at least an 8x10 print.

I feel better now that I have actually started this project for my friend. With my new "step-away from the B.S." attitude and approach to life, I should be able to get these done for her within about two weeks. I am excited to see the results, and I hope she is happy with them too.

Facebook Love

So, I posted earlier today about deactivating my Facebook account on Sunday. I went in about an hour ago to briefly re-activate it, merely to let my clients, family, and close friends know that I'll be MIA for awhile. My decision to disable it was sudden with no forewarning, so I at least needed to post on my business page that I would be incognito for awhile. Of course, I posted my phone # and email address if anyone needed anything.

The outpouring of responses, concerns, and prayers is truly heartwarming. I wasn't expecting anything of the sort, but there they are. I also received numerous private messages and texts expressing their love and support of me. This is a very difficult time for me, but knowing that people still pray for me and care about my well-being lifts my heart.

Unconditional??

Sometimes, the people you love the most let you down. They hurt you, emotionally. The only reason they are able to do so is because you care about them. If you didn't care, you wouldn't be bothered by it all.

How can someone who loves you, someone in your own family, believe you are capable of horrible things? I don't mean horrible like murder or anything, more like lying and cheating, especially when everything you do is for your family and to make them happy. I thought your innermost family were the ones that were supposed to believe in you. They are supposed to be the ones that support you emotionally.

Absolutely everything that I do is for my family. I want them to be happy. I want them to be proud of me. I constantly make posts on my Facebook page (before I disabled it on Sunday) that are about my family...how much I love them, how I am excited to spend the day with them, even pics of us together. Anyone and everyone that knows me, knows how much my family means to me. I would NEVER do anything to hurt them or disappoint them.

Yet last Sunday, my world came crashing down around me. Not only one but the two closest family members believe and accuse me of doing bad things. There is absolutely no reason for them to do so, and their logic makes no sense. They even went so far as to make posts on my Facebook page about it, hence why I deleted the post and deactivated my page. I am absolutely mortified and hurt by their actions; I cannot even think straight.

I don't think that I will ever fully recover from this. Even if they realize their mistakes and apologize, I will never trust either of them like before. I will never have that sense of family or safety with my loved ones again. I will always worry when it will happen again. I will always wonder why and how they could believe such horrible things about me when I have done nothing but always be there for them and love them unconditionally.

How can the two closest people to me in the world believe that I am capable of such things? How could they so quickly and carelessly break my heart?

Marriage

Yes, I know that I've already made 2 posts today, but here comes another one. Apparently despite everything screwed up in my head lately, today is a day of true realization. It's about damn time!!!

I know a ton of people that have been married for a long time. Some happy marriages, some tolerable, and some are just getting by. Like everyone else, my marriage is unique too. But it's unique in its own quirky way.

I first met Mike, my hubby, when I was 15 years old, over 20 years ago. He was a close friend to my high-school boyfriend and later husband, who I refuse to name but let's call him DA (for Dumb Ass). I was told by DA prior to meeting Mike that he was a "lady's man" and that "all women flock to him", so stay away. I wasn't worried...I was supposedly in love with my high school sweetheart. And no, I didn't flock to Mike when I first met him. I was moreso intrigued by his eyes. They were full of hope yet hurt and happiness yet pain. We became instant friends despite attempts from DA to keep up distant from each other.

Over the years, Mike and I became closer...as friends. He helped me with DA as he became violent and an uncontrollable danger to me and our son. I helped him through all his "female friends" and encounters with law enforcement. Yes, Mike was a wayward and rebellious teen/young adult who challenged anyone and everyone in his path. Some of his encounters were from his own stupidity and some were in an attempt to help save me. It's all a really long story but just trust me that Mike did go to jail in attempts to keep me safe from DA. Anyway, we never got romantically involved with each other at this point. Our friendship just grew stronger and stronger and our trust in each other became solid as a rock.

Over the many years later, Mike and I dated off and on. We were engaged and then not and then back again. We hurt each other, emotionally, from being young and stupid. We helped each other through deaths, births, marriages, divorce, cheating, prison, abuse, and drunkenness. Despite spending many years at a time apart, we always seemed to find our way back to each other. And we picked up like no time had passed. In fact, a few times I had not seen or heard from him in years and then got an achy physical pain in my heart that he needed help. With no idea what was going on or where/how to find him, I still found him within a day or two (this was before social media websites).

The last time we got together, we were both going through a separation/divorce from our spouses. We both needed a true friend to talk to, and we both needed someone who just knew...knew our own personal history, knew our own thoughts & fears, and just knew the things we don't readily admit. Hence, we found each other again. It was not an attempt to "hook-up" and/or cheat on our spouses...we just needed that security and comfort and sense of our own selves again. And apparently, no one on the planet can do it except us.

Yes we fight...good God do we fight! But its not physical and no one is in fear. Mike and I are both very very strong-willed and stubborn, yet our love and respect for each other overcomes everything. We laugh, we reminisce, we bicker, we hope, and we support each other no matter what. He infuriates me at times, but it's only because he knows me so well.

He is a true PITA, but he is also my ROCK! He is my strength and my stable ground. He knows me better than me, and he is patient as I realize things that he already knows about me. We know each others fears and insecurities before we even know them ourselves.

I love my husband. I love him more that words can say. I love him in ways and for reasons that I cannot even begin to express.  He is my kindred spirit and my true soul mate. And yes, he is also my headache!  ;)

Taken just after our wedding vows. Yes, we wore our comfy clothes and got married all alone on the side of a mountain overlooking Eureka Springs, Arkansas.
Mike was solid and steadfast during the ceremony. I cried.

I am my own tree

Yes, you read my post title correctly.  I am my own tree.  Now you're probably thinking, "What in the heck are you talking about?" while questioning which psychotropic drugs I am taking. LOL, no worries.  :)  It's all good.

You see, I have this tree in my yard that absolutely fascinates me for some unknown reason. I first noticed it when we viewed this property before putting in an offer to buy it. I took the below photo with my cell phone. Although it was mid-November in Oklahoma, it was still beautiful when most everything else was dying off! I look at this image often, but I could never put my finger on why it touched me the way it did. It actually triggers an emotional response from me.

Then today, it hit me!!! This tree is me...I am my own tree. Allow me to explain the best way that I can and in my own weird way. I am just a small tree with the world twisting around me in every way possible, yet I stand strong and am surrounded by beauty all the time.

If you look closely, the actual tree is on the right side (that's me). It's not very big and is hardly noticeable in the big picture. What people see are the vines twisting around it. Those vines are the world twisting around me seemingly changing the shape and taking attention off of me, the base tree. In reality, those vines are deadly and can hurt or kill the tree. With that said, the tree (me) still stands strong despite the obstacles trying to overpower. And surrounding me is beauty. Beauty in the color of the weeds and flowers and leaves. The natural things that add color to and are part of life.

 

So while you may not notice me in the overall big picture, I am still here...still standing strong despite obstacles trying to bring me down. And I will continue to thrive with the help of everything beautiful by my side. I am my own tree!

New Discoveries

Have you ever wished you could view the world like a baby where everything is new and beautiful?

I get to experience that almost every time I walk around my yard. My husband, Mike, and I bought this property last winter and moved in about a week before Christmas. We've never seen what it looks like in the summer with all the trees, flowers, and other features. So every day that I walk the acreage, I find something else new and beautiful!

Here are some of the things I have discovered...

Bird nest in our grill. They were actually hatching at the time of this pic.

Birds all hatched. We had to put the little one on the right back in the nest.

My crooked tree at back of property. LOVE THIS!!

A good sittin' stump. The big knots at the bottom go all around the stump.

White Iris along the fence line

Yellow Iris near the driveway

A quirky little sitting bench. It needs to be secured before being used.

Wild roses

An apple tree in bloom. Hopefully we can beat the birds, squirrels, and bugs to the fruit.

Honeysuckle bushes along the front fence. They smell fabulous first thing in the morning!!

Little daisy flowers in front yard.

Some kind of purple flowering bush. It attracts butterflies!

Not sure what kind of plant this is. These actually look like cherry tomatoes, but they are too red for being so small.

We've done a few improvements outside since we moved in, but we are hesitant to do too much yet. We removed a lot of fence on the inner part of the property because it cut-up the acreage too much. We also removed an old shed falling down, some shrubbery around the house, and cleaned up some downed limbs. We've also had metal scrappers come out 3 times to pick up various things piled up in the yard. And by "we", I mean my husband has done all this.  :)

Next project...get my Quiet Place set up. I finally figured out the perfect place to put my big 2-person hammock and design my area. It's about halfway between the house and the back of the property, and it has a little cluster of trees. I'm thinking a sitting bench (or maybe my stump in above pic), a rock garden with a few smell-good flowers, and some of my quirky little turtle yard statue things. It will be my place to go to escape and just chill. Meditate, pray, take a nap, or just hide quietly for awhile. We (and yes that includes me this time) will start working on it this weekend. I am soooo excited!

Hammock will be hung from the trees at far left and far right. We have to clean them up a little first.

Skullcap Needed

Me + Blonde Highlights = Epic Failure

Yes, I am that person who thinks that she can do anything herself and be successful. ROFL...reality check today!

I am a natural blonde. I used to have really long hair, but last summer I cut it all off. Over 13 inches. Although I miss my hair, I do enjoy it being short and easy to handle. So with summer coming, I had this brilliant idea to put in some highlights or frosting, whatever you call it. 

The instructions said to leave it on for at least 20-30 minutes for light-to-medium blonde hair to allow the color to "process and set".  I left it in for only 10 minutes and did the quick strand test thing to check the color. OMG...I had to wash it out immediately!! The result is that most of my hair is now almost white, except it has a slight orange-red tint.

Just fabulous! And before you start saying, "You should have gone to the salon rather than buy it out-of-the-box." I have to advise you that I did that about 2 years ago before my Today Show interview. And the salon screwed it up too. I told the lady that my hair is very sensitive to color, and only a few minutes are needed. Although she had been a hair lady for over 20 years, she didn't listen. My hair was soooo white that it was almost see-through. It cost me another $125 to get it darkened back to blonde at another salon.

So needless to say, it's time to find my Harley Davidson skullcap to wear for a few days. Maybe the color, or lack thereof, will calm down soon, but more than likely I'll have to re-color it a darker blonde.  Is 12:30pm too soon for a strong adult beverage?

Cheerios

A recently released Cheerios commercial portraying the love of a young girl trying to keep her daddy healthy has sparked so much controversy that YouTube had to disable the video's comments after only one day of being online. (The video, titled "Just Checking" can be viewed below.)

Despite it being a long time since we experienced segregation and racial inequality in the U.S., some people see this video completely differently that I do. I have seen this commercial on TV numerous times since it hit the tube last week, and I thought it was adorable...the love and concern of a little girl wanting to keep her dad's heart healthy, and in a funny way. 

Apparently, a lot of other people see it as "offensive" because it is a biracial family portrayed in the brief 30-second commercial. Some of the comments posted on YouTube even included references to Nazi's and racial genocide. 

Like I said, I saw the commercial several times and not once did I notice that it was a biracial family until I read about this controversy flooding the media. I saw nothing more than A FAMILY and a little girl's love. The commercial even ends with the word "Love". In fact, the young girl reminds me of my niece, Makayla. And yes...she is biracial. So is my nephew, my step-daughter, and other family members. Some are blood-related, some married into our family, and others were adopted - all from various ethnic backgrounds. 

This is what I have to say about the whole issue: "Haters breed Hate". Don't be a Hater. If you don't like something, change the channel or don't pay attention or just walk away. Don't spread your hate to other people. You are not accomplishing anything except bringing people down and creating more hate...mostly for you and your ignorance.

A Crushed Spirit

Can severe weather, leading to many local deaths over two weeks, cause an overwhelming sense of a crushed spirit in someone who was not directly affected?

Normally, I would say "probably not", but I am beginning to think otherwise. Since all the tornadoes and flooding in Oklahoma over the last couple weeks, I have been feeling exactly that way. My family and friends are all safe, but my heart hurts and depression seems to be flooding my emotions. Overall, the only way I can describe it is that my spirit feels like it is being crushed. 

It is getting worse every day, every hour that passes. I have tried to figure out exactly what is the cause but to no avail. I should be feeling proud to be an Okie because we have the strongest resilience and sense of community to help others. I should be feeling blessed because my loved ones were spared from the storms. And I should be feeling honored that so many strangers have offered to assist in anyway they can.

I do feel those things, yet my own feelings inside of me are hurting. Not for others but seemingly for myself. It makes no sense, and I am beginning to get concerned. I am either crying or on the verge of tears every minute of every day. I can't sleep yet all I want to do is curl up in bed. I don't want to see anyone, yet I wish someone would help me, listen to me, and tell me that it's all going to be okay.

I have so much more to say about this, but alas I am crying again and cannot focus my thoughts. More later...