Marriage

Yes, I know that I've already made 2 posts today, but here comes another one. Apparently despite everything screwed up in my head lately, today is a day of true realization. It's about damn time!!!

I know a ton of people that have been married for a long time. Some happy marriages, some tolerable, and some are just getting by. Like everyone else, my marriage is unique too. But it's unique in its own quirky way.

I first met Mike, my hubby, when I was 15 years old, over 20 years ago. He was a close friend to my high-school boyfriend and later husband, who I refuse to name but let's call him DA (for Dumb Ass). I was told by DA prior to meeting Mike that he was a "lady's man" and that "all women flock to him", so stay away. I wasn't worried...I was supposedly in love with my high school sweetheart. And no, I didn't flock to Mike when I first met him. I was moreso intrigued by his eyes. They were full of hope yet hurt and happiness yet pain. We became instant friends despite attempts from DA to keep up distant from each other.

Over the years, Mike and I became closer...as friends. He helped me with DA as he became violent and an uncontrollable danger to me and our son. I helped him through all his "female friends" and encounters with law enforcement. Yes, Mike was a wayward and rebellious teen/young adult who challenged anyone and everyone in his path. Some of his encounters were from his own stupidity and some were in an attempt to help save me. It's all a really long story but just trust me that Mike did go to jail in attempts to keep me safe from DA. Anyway, we never got romantically involved with each other at this point. Our friendship just grew stronger and stronger and our trust in each other became solid as a rock.

Over the many years later, Mike and I dated off and on. We were engaged and then not and then back again. We hurt each other, emotionally, from being young and stupid. We helped each other through deaths, births, marriages, divorce, cheating, prison, abuse, and drunkenness. Despite spending many years at a time apart, we always seemed to find our way back to each other. And we picked up like no time had passed. In fact, a few times I had not seen or heard from him in years and then got an achy physical pain in my heart that he needed help. With no idea what was going on or where/how to find him, I still found him within a day or two (this was before social media websites).

The last time we got together, we were both going through a separation/divorce from our spouses. We both needed a true friend to talk to, and we both needed someone who just knew...knew our own personal history, knew our own thoughts & fears, and just knew the things we don't readily admit. Hence, we found each other again. It was not an attempt to "hook-up" and/or cheat on our spouses...we just needed that security and comfort and sense of our own selves again. And apparently, no one on the planet can do it except us.

Yes we fight...good God do we fight! But its not physical and no one is in fear. Mike and I are both very very strong-willed and stubborn, yet our love and respect for each other overcomes everything. We laugh, we reminisce, we bicker, we hope, and we support each other no matter what. He infuriates me at times, but it's only because he knows me so well.

He is a true PITA, but he is also my ROCK! He is my strength and my stable ground. He knows me better than me, and he is patient as I realize things that he already knows about me. We know each others fears and insecurities before we even know them ourselves.

I love my husband. I love him more that words can say. I love him in ways and for reasons that I cannot even begin to express.  He is my kindred spirit and my true soul mate. And yes, he is also my headache!  ;)

Taken just after our wedding vows. Yes, we wore our comfy clothes and got married all alone on the side of a mountain overlooking Eureka Springs, Arkansas.
Mike was solid and steadfast during the ceremony. I cried.

I am my own tree

Yes, you read my post title correctly.  I am my own tree.  Now you're probably thinking, "What in the heck are you talking about?" while questioning which psychotropic drugs I am taking. LOL, no worries.  :)  It's all good.

You see, I have this tree in my yard that absolutely fascinates me for some unknown reason. I first noticed it when we viewed this property before putting in an offer to buy it. I took the below photo with my cell phone. Although it was mid-November in Oklahoma, it was still beautiful when most everything else was dying off! I look at this image often, but I could never put my finger on why it touched me the way it did. It actually triggers an emotional response from me.

Then today, it hit me!!! This tree is me...I am my own tree. Allow me to explain the best way that I can and in my own weird way. I am just a small tree with the world twisting around me in every way possible, yet I stand strong and am surrounded by beauty all the time.

If you look closely, the actual tree is on the right side (that's me). It's not very big and is hardly noticeable in the big picture. What people see are the vines twisting around it. Those vines are the world twisting around me seemingly changing the shape and taking attention off of me, the base tree. In reality, those vines are deadly and can hurt or kill the tree. With that said, the tree (me) still stands strong despite the obstacles trying to overpower. And surrounding me is beauty. Beauty in the color of the weeds and flowers and leaves. The natural things that add color to and are part of life.

 

So while you may not notice me in the overall big picture, I am still here...still standing strong despite obstacles trying to bring me down. And I will continue to thrive with the help of everything beautiful by my side. I am my own tree!

New Discoveries

Have you ever wished you could view the world like a baby where everything is new and beautiful?

I get to experience that almost every time I walk around my yard. My husband, Mike, and I bought this property last winter and moved in about a week before Christmas. We've never seen what it looks like in the summer with all the trees, flowers, and other features. So every day that I walk the acreage, I find something else new and beautiful!

Here are some of the things I have discovered...

Bird nest in our grill. They were actually hatching at the time of this pic.

Birds all hatched. We had to put the little one on the right back in the nest.

My crooked tree at back of property. LOVE THIS!!

A good sittin' stump. The big knots at the bottom go all around the stump.

White Iris along the fence line

Yellow Iris near the driveway

A quirky little sitting bench. It needs to be secured before being used.

Wild roses

An apple tree in bloom. Hopefully we can beat the birds, squirrels, and bugs to the fruit.

Honeysuckle bushes along the front fence. They smell fabulous first thing in the morning!!

Little daisy flowers in front yard.

Some kind of purple flowering bush. It attracts butterflies!

Not sure what kind of plant this is. These actually look like cherry tomatoes, but they are too red for being so small.

We've done a few improvements outside since we moved in, but we are hesitant to do too much yet. We removed a lot of fence on the inner part of the property because it cut-up the acreage too much. We also removed an old shed falling down, some shrubbery around the house, and cleaned up some downed limbs. We've also had metal scrappers come out 3 times to pick up various things piled up in the yard. And by "we", I mean my husband has done all this.  :)

Next project...get my Quiet Place set up. I finally figured out the perfect place to put my big 2-person hammock and design my area. It's about halfway between the house and the back of the property, and it has a little cluster of trees. I'm thinking a sitting bench (or maybe my stump in above pic), a rock garden with a few smell-good flowers, and some of my quirky little turtle yard statue things. It will be my place to go to escape and just chill. Meditate, pray, take a nap, or just hide quietly for awhile. We (and yes that includes me this time) will start working on it this weekend. I am soooo excited!

Hammock will be hung from the trees at far left and far right. We have to clean them up a little first.

Skullcap Needed

Me + Blonde Highlights = Epic Failure

Yes, I am that person who thinks that she can do anything herself and be successful. ROFL...reality check today!

I am a natural blonde. I used to have really long hair, but last summer I cut it all off. Over 13 inches. Although I miss my hair, I do enjoy it being short and easy to handle. So with summer coming, I had this brilliant idea to put in some highlights or frosting, whatever you call it. 

The instructions said to leave it on for at least 20-30 minutes for light-to-medium blonde hair to allow the color to "process and set".  I left it in for only 10 minutes and did the quick strand test thing to check the color. OMG...I had to wash it out immediately!! The result is that most of my hair is now almost white, except it has a slight orange-red tint.

Just fabulous! And before you start saying, "You should have gone to the salon rather than buy it out-of-the-box." I have to advise you that I did that about 2 years ago before my Today Show interview. And the salon screwed it up too. I told the lady that my hair is very sensitive to color, and only a few minutes are needed. Although she had been a hair lady for over 20 years, she didn't listen. My hair was soooo white that it was almost see-through. It cost me another $125 to get it darkened back to blonde at another salon.

So needless to say, it's time to find my Harley Davidson skullcap to wear for a few days. Maybe the color, or lack thereof, will calm down soon, but more than likely I'll have to re-color it a darker blonde.  Is 12:30pm too soon for a strong adult beverage?

Cheerios

A recently released Cheerios commercial portraying the love of a young girl trying to keep her daddy healthy has sparked so much controversy that YouTube had to disable the video's comments after only one day of being online. (The video, titled "Just Checking" can be viewed below.)

Despite it being a long time since we experienced segregation and racial inequality in the U.S., some people see this video completely differently that I do. I have seen this commercial on TV numerous times since it hit the tube last week, and I thought it was adorable...the love and concern of a little girl wanting to keep her dad's heart healthy, and in a funny way. 

Apparently, a lot of other people see it as "offensive" because it is a biracial family portrayed in the brief 30-second commercial. Some of the comments posted on YouTube even included references to Nazi's and racial genocide. 

Like I said, I saw the commercial several times and not once did I notice that it was a biracial family until I read about this controversy flooding the media. I saw nothing more than A FAMILY and a little girl's love. The commercial even ends with the word "Love". In fact, the young girl reminds me of my niece, Makayla. And yes...she is biracial. So is my nephew, my step-daughter, and other family members. Some are blood-related, some married into our family, and others were adopted - all from various ethnic backgrounds. 

This is what I have to say about the whole issue: "Haters breed Hate". Don't be a Hater. If you don't like something, change the channel or don't pay attention or just walk away. Don't spread your hate to other people. You are not accomplishing anything except bringing people down and creating more hate...mostly for you and your ignorance.

A Crushed Spirit

Can severe weather, leading to many local deaths over two weeks, cause an overwhelming sense of a crushed spirit in someone who was not directly affected?

Normally, I would say "probably not", but I am beginning to think otherwise. Since all the tornadoes and flooding in Oklahoma over the last couple weeks, I have been feeling exactly that way. My family and friends are all safe, but my heart hurts and depression seems to be flooding my emotions. Overall, the only way I can describe it is that my spirit feels like it is being crushed. 

It is getting worse every day, every hour that passes. I have tried to figure out exactly what is the cause but to no avail. I should be feeling proud to be an Okie because we have the strongest resilience and sense of community to help others. I should be feeling blessed because my loved ones were spared from the storms. And I should be feeling honored that so many strangers have offered to assist in anyway they can.

I do feel those things, yet my own feelings inside of me are hurting. Not for others but seemingly for myself. It makes no sense, and I am beginning to get concerned. I am either crying or on the verge of tears every minute of every day. I can't sleep yet all I want to do is curl up in bed. I don't want to see anyone, yet I wish someone would help me, listen to me, and tell me that it's all going to be okay.

I have so much more to say about this, but alas I am crying again and cannot focus my thoughts. More later...